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Gender of the girl who’s trapped inside

by Half-Lady Lisa


May 03, 2015


There are many terms used in Thailand to describe male-to-female transgender such as kratoey, second type of women, Thai ladyboy, shemale, etc. Besides these terms, there is another term, which is very well-known among Thais, called ‘toot’. The word ‘toot’ isn’t a Thai word. But it is an inspiration from a 1982 movie—‘Tootsie’ which Dustin Hoffman performs in the movie as a crossdresser. He has a completed head-to-toe transformation as a woman, except his sexuality remains unchanged—he is still a normal heterosexual man. Later, the term ‘Tootsie’ is shorter to ‘Toot’.

Toot is a more complicated gender than any gender you have already known. If asking people that ‘who have sex with gay men’, without thinking everyone can give the same answer that gay men have sex with other gay men, lesbians have sex with other lesbians, heterosexual men have sex with heterosexual women, bi sexual have sex with both men and women—all these we already know and there would be no different answer besides these. When it comes into transgender, it’s used to be like other genders that people can give the answer right away that the physical transformation into female character is used to attract a male sex partner until the movie ‘Tootsie’ gives Thai people a pause, now a male-to-female transgender’s sex partner can be otherwise. After the movie, some parents become worry. As in Thai society, normally toots are accepted to hang out in a group of girls more than boys, also they are accepted to sleep in the same tents with other girls like they are also regular girls, some parents begin to warn their daughters that sleeping overnight with toots can be pregnant.

If you define spaces to group each gender, people of each gender will spontaneously know which group they belong to. But transgender is a big word. Among people who call themselves a ‘transgender’ actually can be broken down into variety of different groups. Even some transgenders themselves are still confused about their gender. The most complication of the ‘trans’ gender is the sexuality. It isn’t easy to distinct between male-to-female transgender who have sex with men and male-to-female transgender who have sex with women. Adding more complicated when some of them enjoy having sex with both men and women, some enjoy having sex with other transgenders and some enjoy having sex with all genders. Sexuality is an important key used to separate them but it is inside, while the outside looks, the physical transformation ties them tightly together. Every of them, no matter who their sex partners are, say loudly the same thing that ‘I am a woman’.

To avoid being confused, in this article only, I will use the term ‘transgender’ to describe male-to-female transgender who have sex with men. The term ‘crossdresser’ describes male-to-female transgender who have sex with women (or other females).

Except dressing up as a woman, there are many differences between transgender and crossdresser, start at the beginning of how the transformation idea is created.

Many years ago, I received an email from a married man from South Africa. He was comfortable for me to tell his story under the name ‘Christina’. When he was a little boy, Christina liked sneaking in his mother’s closet to wear his mother’s clothes discreetly. (First, let pause his story at this point.)

Like Christina’s story, I always hear the exact same story from other heterosexual men who enjoy doing crossdress. At first, it makes me think and be curious at the same time by the story. As crossdressers around the world don’t know each other, especially boys would never share this idea to each other, what most surprised me is why they find their first dress to wear at the exact same way. Why the beginning of their stories can’t be otherwise?

This is the first difference between transgender and crossdresser. I never wear my mother’s clothes and I have never even thought that wearing other women’s clothes makes me feel good. I have also never heard any of my transgender friends says that they discreetly wear their mothers’ clothes at the young age.

Now, why have to be mother’s clothes (or other women’s clothes)? It’s because mother’s clothes are not the same as other clothes in stores. These clothes have the owner, and the image of the owner which reminds crossdress boys of the woman who wears the clothes.

What I really concern most if I have to wear other women’s clothes or used clothes is smell. Heterosexual women as well would not want to smell other women’s odor. In contrast, women’s odor doesn’t bother heterosexual men, on the other hand it results in positive. However, as I said that I don’t really mean that crossdress boys would have sexual feeling to their female family members. However, I don’t deny either that there might be in some cases. Look—many men like buying unwashed, used panties which can be more expensive than buying a new one. It’s even better if they can have photos of the women who wear the panties.

Not only do heterosexual men like pre-owned items, every gender as well. Gay men, who love foot fetish, for instance, may buy used military shoes to smell and imagine that these masculine shoes are owned by tough soldiers, masculine men. And if the shoes’ owners can attach their handsome photos with the shoes, gay men would be willing to pay more.

Some women love natural masculine smell. A woman told me that every time she did laundry for her uncle when she was a young girl, she liked to smell her uncle’s shirts. She really liked men’s perfume on his shirts.

Used cloth items are likely used in fantasy rather than being a normal cloth to wear.

For transgender, to find their first dresses would not be different from women do. Look—teen heterosexual girls would like to ask their mothers to buy them new clothes. They don’t want to dress on their mothers’ old generation fashion. They want to follow their friends and classmates, wearing in-style fashion clothes. I have a cousin who is a teen girl. She wants to buy a spaghetti strap tank top like her classmates wear. Even though her mother is concerned about wearing too revealed clothes for a teen girl, she still sneaks buying it. To avoid being caught, when she meets her friends on weekends, she puts the tank top in a bag to changes it at the mall’s restroom. Transgender is alike. I buy my first skirt and hide it from my parents. I change my skirt at the mall’s restroom and before going home I will never forget to change again to my regular clothes. Women and transgender have the same sense that they see woman’s clothes as ‘clothes in general’, as ‘fashion’, as ‘garments used for covering their bodies’.

For crossdressers, clothes are not clothes in ‘general’ meaning. Clothes help them become like someone, like mother, like a beautiful woman, like a sexy Hollywood star, like a famous supermodel, like a teen daughter, etc. This is the same idea as some men dress like Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley’s iconic cloth is not a general cloth but it helps the person who wears, feels like being Elvis. Elvis presley’s iconic cloth is a role-play fantasy uniform; women’s dress is also crossdressers’ fantasy uniform. To dress on Elvis’s iconic cloth and hairstyle is also a kind of head-to-toe transformation, like crossdressers’ transformation, like Dustin Hoffman’s transformation in the movie ‘Tootsie’. However, people don’t see these imposters unusual, except the transformation involved with cross gender is a public shock. Moreover, the real Elvis Presley acts naturally like himself; impostor acts only during a role play. Transgender acts as a woman from the inside and she acts naturally as a woman all the time; crossdressers act sometimes like a woman and sometimes like a man when they forget themselves. Moreover for some, it seems like acting as a man even seems to be easier than acting as a woman.

Thai crossdressers also like to use Thai famous actresses’ names and last names to be their female names. Some combines an actress’s name to another actress’s last name to make them feel that they are double beauty. They often discuss among friends that their faces, eyes, lips or noses resemble beautiful actresses. This is a fantasy of becoming like someone. Irony, people support kids to have role models as long as it isn’t involved in cross gender.


Next, Christina also describes passionately about the sensitive feeling when female silky fabrics touch his skin. Like Christina, I often hear other crossdressers as well always include this part in their stories. This isn’t new to me because normally this kind of sensation arouses heterosexual men’s sexual desire, even with ones who don’t do crossdress as a fantasy.

Like heterosexual women, for transgender, the sensitive feeling from silky fabrics means nothing in arousing sexual desire. Moreover, heterosexual women and transgender don’t feel sexual turn-on, be excited, body shaken up or be horny while wearing their clothes and lingerie. Transgender wears women’s clothes because this type of clothes is appropriate to their feminine character. Let me explain more about this, for example, there is one item which makes men feel good but it isn’t necessary to be appropriate to their masculine character. However, this same item is appropriate to women’s and transgender’s character but it isn’t effective to their sexual feeling anything.

Wearing women’s clothes and the sensation of silky fabrics help crossdressers achieve ejaculation faster and increase sexual excitement the same way as men take sexual enhancement supplementary. Some crossdressers can ejaculate right away soon after wearing women’s clothes, or take a very short time to ejaculate compared to wearing without women’s clothes will take a lot longer time. Some crossdressers, after wearing women’s clothes, their bodies are shaken up like they jump into icy water during a Winter, arms are unable to put down, legs are unable to walk and it seems to me like they are going to pass out. People may be curious that do crossdressers dress in drag just for fun? Definitely it isn’t just for fun. If they don’t do crossdress for a long time it can lead into depression. That’s why some husbands are unable to continue their manhood any longer but leave their marriage to become a woman.

A man tells me that as his roommate is strongly against his lifestyle/fantasy so once in a while he has to rent a room at a motel for doing cross dress alone for an overnight. You can tell how serious crossdressers need to dress as a woman.

A Thai mother tells me that her son, I guess he is around three years old, often steal his mother’s makeup to wear on his face, while her older daughter doesn’t like wearing makeup. People accept physical development of animals and human, accept climate changes, but gender change and human’s sexuality are hard to find evident to proof. However, don’t think it’s a hoax.

A mother who likes to hang out in a group of transgenders tells me that she really wants her son to be a transgender. Since he is a kid, she often buys girl’s clothes for her son but he doesn’t like it. He is a straight man and now he is a married man with kids. I want people to understand that sexual orientation comes from inside which they are born with. Parents and environment are not to be blamed.

A former crossdresser told me that he used to dress and live as a fulltime woman when he was younger. “Now, not anymore,” he said. “I have to shave my legs everyday. Wear a wig and makeup. It’s too much works.” Here is a very important point. You have sex thousands of time doesn’t matter but if your favorite fantasy has never done once, means that you never have sex in your life. The fantasy will be kept in your heart for a long time, until one day it erupts like a volcano. That’s why masculine men and husbands at some points of their life they can’t continue their lives longer as a man. But why the former crossdresser doesn’t want to dress as a woman anymore and he can live normal as a man without a depression? This is called— ‘thousand hours of experience’. The former crossdresser has already completed his ‘thousand hours of experience’ so the volcano in his heart becomes inactive. In contrast, husbands, who want to transform into a woman, have zero hour of experience so the eruption becomes extreme, shock community. Whenever they come out, they want to do this and do that, hormone therapy, breast implants, sex-change operation, and extreme transformation within a short time; this is because they try to make up hours as they think that they are far behind others transgenders. Like my ex-roommate tells me that if you are so hungry, don’t go to shop at the supermarket. In case you can’t complete ‘thousand hours of experience’, at least a few hours once in a while can protect the eruption.

The ‘thousand hours of experience’ is also important to other genders as well. There is a story of a husband, I call him in this story M. He was originally from a South America country. As a young man, M lives in a small town in suburb where he was married to his wife. After marry, he and his wife had migrated and lived in America where they had two kids: a son and a daughter. His life is like normal conservative men you see everyday: vote for Republican for whole life and go to church every Sunday; his wife was also a church’s leader.

One day at the age around 70 years old, he was ordering pizza. While waiting, a young man who worked in the restaurant told him that he was a gay man. He was very angry and disputed that he wasn’t gay, he had a wife and kids. The restaurant worker bet him to go hiring a male escort to see whether he liked having sex with men or not. He did to proof his gender identity.

One sunny day, everyone in his family: wife and kids, enjoyed having lunch. He blurted out that “I think I’m gay.” His son was very angry and stopped talking with him for three years; his daughter cried out, his wife immediately expelled him out of the house. Yet, everyone in the family, except him, needed to see a psychologist for years.

Here is an important thing: many people, both men and women, don’t know who (or which type of people) they really want to have sex with. It’s different between ‘you can do’ and ‘you really enjoy doing’; a man can have sex with women doesn’t mean that he really enjoys having sex with women but he just can do.

As M’s ‘thousand hours of experience’ had never completed once for 70 years, in his new life as a gay man he even had more expectation than many gay men who had lived in gay life for a long time. He wanted to have a handsome boyfriend, joined gay parade every year, rainbows flags and equal rights stickers all over his car both inside and outside, stopped going to church and slammed God, except one thing he still kept unchanged was to vote for Republican. He enjoyed his gay life too much until he forgot that he had to return his car, it took him many hours to remove all the rainbow stickers until he sweated all over the body.

Now his wife and kids forgive him. He moves back to live with his wife as friends; they sleep in separate rooms. His wife is now over 70 years old, she needs him to help her do some errands in the house. For husband’s returning home, M must insist to her, ‘he will not bring any gay items in the house’. Before moving in with his wife, he burned all gay magazines and young men’s photos. He can now live as a normal straight man, going back to join church as ever because some parts of his ‘thousand hours of experience’ has already done. But he still hires discreetly a male escort once in a while.


‘Watch’ or ‘Wear’ plays a big role in many sexual fantasies.

You are sexually turned on by watching porn movies, videos and show girls. One of my transgender friends is sexually attractive to bodybuilder men. She doesn’t want to transform her appearance to look like a bodybuilder, but she loves watching masculine men. Like heterosexual women, transgenders don’t want to wear their sex partner’ masculine characters.

However, imagine, a man tattoos on his skin to look like a kind of animal he extremely loves. He also asks a dentist to reshape his teeth to look like the animal’s fangs. He also asks a plastic surgeon to transform his face, his lips, stuff something underneath skin to look like animal’s horn. He also wants to act, live and eat like the animal. You may want to question that why doesn’t he raises that kind of animal as a pet, or see it in a zoo during holidays and weekend? It’s because he loves that kind of animal very much, love over extreme, love beyond average people would love, so he wants to wear that character on him. He wants that character to lie and grip on his body and become a part of him.

Crossdress is a fetish. Men love very much, love over extreme, love beyond average men everything about women: love the way women act, walk, talk, love their hairs, their dresses, their makeup, their shoes so they want to wear all these on them.

Wearing a character is not only a crossdresser’s way to satisfy role play / sexual fantasy but every gender as well.

Imagine, you send your son to study far away from home for many years. One day he comes home with tattoos, black hair and pierced rings all over the body. This is also a kind of physical transformation to shock parents. Having tattoos all over his body, piercing rings on nose, lips, eyebrows, nipples and wearing dark eyeliner are also a uniform. When it comes into sexuality, this type of men will choose to have sex with women who are the same because they don’t have sex with the person but actually having sex with the uniform. That’s why many crossdressers can satisfy themselves by getting dress and looking at themselves in the mirror as a woman, with no need to have sexual intercourse. A sex partner is not as important as the uniform. Moreover, the pain feeling during tattoos and pierces and the uniform make this type of men feel good, excited to watch their bodies are in that uniform. This good feeling and excitement give positive feeling—then they say confidently “That’s me.” In contrast, clean looks, like a businessman, give them negative feeling, then they say “that isn’t me. I can’t see myself look so clean like that anymore. I really need to do something to change it.”

A gay man, a ramrod type of guys, dresses in black leathered jacket to hook up with other gay men who dress the same. Black leathered clothes are his sexual uniform. Wearing black leathered clothes gives him positive feelings every time he wears—then he says “That’s me.” And he doesn’t lie; I believe ‘that’s him’.

Gay men who love wearing military uniform, this fantasy is called ‘into army’. They also like to join boot camp, tough training, wearing military boots and are in a group of tough guys. When they hook up for sex with other gay men, they will choose their sex partners who are into the same ‘army’ fantasy. Military (or police) outfits are their sexual uniforms.

A slim man transforms his body to be a bodybuilder; this is also a kind of physical transformation. Because he loves big muscles and masculine appearance very much, he wants those big muscles appear on his body. Some, who are already big, still keeps thinking that they are not big enough. They still want to be bigger and bigger. A bodybuilder who is a gay man would find a male sex partner who has the same body type. Heterosexual bodybuilder men would love to have sex with women who have athletic body. Every time they flex their muscles in front of the mirror, their oversize muscles make them feel good and happy—then they say—“that’s me. I don’t want to see myself look thin.” I believe 100% that they don’t lie otherwise they would not transform themselves to look that way.

Bodybuilder is like crossdresser, except they are in opposition. Bodybuilders don’t want to be called ‘thin’ or ‘slim’. These words give negative feeling so they try to fight against. Another word, bodybuilders don’t want it to be a part of their character, is ‘feminine’. Normally people are combined together with masculinity and femininity, aggressive side and soft side, at a certain ratio differently. As bodybuilders don’t like the soft feminine side, they try to clean it off by increasing the masculine side until it can completely cover all their feminine side. Gay men who are sexually turned off by femininity build their muscles to make them look very masculine until they don’t see their feminine side anymore. When they look at themselves in the mirror, they can be sexually turned on by their own muscles and bodies.

Crossdressers are opposite. The words—‘masculine’, ‘man’, ‘handsome’, give negative feeling. However, these words are not bad words at all. Every time crossdresser boys hear people applaud them with these words, it makes them feel unhappy and sometimes even angry, so they try to fight against it, against his own nature, against his gender and against people who applaud them. In their minds they keep saying that ‘no, no, no, that’s not me. Stop insulting me. I am not a man!’ In their minds, they don’t think that people applaud their masculinity. They think that people pretend to say, they are mocking at them, teasing them. Until one day they can’t handle the pain anymore. Whenever they are ready to come out, they will proof to these people that they are wrong—‘actually I am the most beautiful woman in the world and all of them who used to mock me that I am a man have to look at me again to believe that I am a woman!’

You can also find more sexual costumes in sex toy stores such as nurse, high school girls, dominatrix, plumber, deliverer etc for your transformation. People generally believe that kissing, sexual intercourse and ejaculation are having sex. However,to perform in sexual fantasy stories are having sex. To perform in a character is like an actor to make the story complete. Sexual intercourse (or masturbation) is one in many ways to achieve an ejaculation. Look—some crossdressers can ejaculate soon after wearing women’s clothes; in this case masturbation /sexual intercourse is not their way to achieve an ejaculation but getting dresses as a woman is the way. Ejaculation is not having sex, for example animal’s ejaculation in artificial insemination is not considered having sex; it’s used for only reproduction purposes. Unlike human, animals don’t have fantasy story and that’s why they have sex once only during mating season based upon nature’s creation for breeding reason. Ejaculation is actually the last page of sexual fantasy stories; otherwise the fantasy will go on and on without ending.

A married man reveals his secret to me that every time he is horny, he wants to dress as a woman. I ask him that ‘in case if he can’t dress as a woman, what does he do instead?’ He says that “I have to masturbate to ejaculate many times until that emotion is gone so I can stop thinking about getting on women’s dress.”

Here is an important question: as the desire of putting on woman’s clothes is the result of the sexual desire; as the sex-changed operation can cause of losing sexual desire, after the operation would crossdressers still enjoy dressing up as a woman? Does the sex-changed operation fit to crossdressers’ lifestyle?

Have you ever watch an emotional movie? Fantasy story is like a movie which its story creates emotions. Right emotion can arouse sexual desire. A submissive guy who is sexually turned on by being beat up. However, people around him are so peaceful. Although he might be a nice guy, to act cranky and bad mouth to a tough guy help him get a result he wants. Because he likes it, he repeats it often until it becomes his behavior. A cranky man told me—“it’s hard to be a good person”, while indeed he is a nice guy.

In Thailand, I used to hear people say that ‘What’s the fight a husband and wife do, having kids born every year.’ This is a fantasy of domination when aggression can sexually turn on some couples.

Some men are sexually turned on by fear feeling. Submissive men pretend to annoy aggressive women. The result is that angry women chase them like a cat. They have to run away quickly because they fear to die but they like it.

Emotions are production of fantasy stories. The love of a certain emotion comes first, next a story written intends to build up the emotion.

Some men feel turn on by being humiliated. They like to create story like this – a man is caught up by a woman while performing kinky sex, then she humiliates him by showing his sex-tape to public.

Romantic men love the emotion crack down from broken heart story, love triangle and unsuccessful love life. Here is example of story: an old guy falls in love to a young sexy girl, he is financially support her but their love is barred by ages—“Your overnight service is too short. I wake up this morning when you have left for other calls. In your little heart, you must have a young man waiting for you. An old guy like me would never have a room in your heart. If the night could return again, I will turn off your phone service and keep your little heart inside me forever.”

One thing I discover—many men want to be like a kid when they are horny. They also love learning sex and being taught by a woman whose her behavior is a mother-like or a teacher-like. A story—a married man is sent to see a sex expert with a handwritten note from his wife in his shirt’s pocket. Think like when you are a kid and there is a letter from school sent to your parents, something like this. Here is an example of the notes:

“Dear Mistress,

I know I should not interrupt your valued time but I would like to ask you to please helping my husband. We have been married together for three years but his bedroom performance is never better than the first date. I think now it should be the right time for him to upgrade his bedroom performance. Please advise him on such as how to suck and lick the right way. Other suggestions included on this training class will be appreciated. Please help to save our marriage. I will be fully responsible for my husband’s training service’s fee.

Thank you very much indeed. Can’t wait to see a better husband home soon.”

Have you ever seen a picture which turns on many crossdressers such as ‘a man sits on a chair with a woman puts makeup on his face or help him get on women’s clothes?’ Next, you may think which time of his life that the experience in this picture occurs. When he is a boy, right? Boys don’t dress themselves but their mothers help them put on the clothes. The sense of being a kid reminds the activity he did at the young age. There are many activities but which one traps inside a man all the time. Some men who are not into crossdress will forget to think about dressing up by mother’s aid. Boys who love doing crossdress will keep it as a good memory. This is the beginning of the crossdress fantasy.

So now, which emotion comes along with the crossdress fantasy? Normal heterosexual men and crossdressers, both like having sex with beautiful women. However, only crossdressers are jealous their women’s beauty and sexiness. They like to keep an eye on women/female celebrities who are famous, go viral about beauty and sexiness. When these female celebrities are on stage, in front of cameras, and fans scream—“you are so beautiful,” crossdressers imagine placing themselves in that spotlight. They want to be flattered about beauty. That’s why some crossdressers, after dress up as a woman, often ask me to allow them to stand on my front porch for people who walk past by to see. They want to have sex with the woman they are jealous about beauty and sexiness. Like crossdressers, jealousy also happens in among bodybuilders. They are turned on by being flattered by other bodybuilders that “wow, your muscles are so big. I want to look like you,” and the jealousy comes along their words. This is called ‘muscle worship’.


As growing up in Thailand, crossdressers in America and perhaps in other countries around the world as well, their stories have surprised me, even until today. Thai crossdressers, however, have a unique life, different from those around the world.

Most cases in America—a married man with kids, having a masculine appearance, especially working in a tough job, like a regular American heterosexual man you see every day, transforms himself as a woman at the second state of his life.

Thai crossdressers, however, the physical transformation from male to female comes first at the young age, the conversion backward to live as a normal heterosexual man comes after they decide to marry a woman.

No one has thought about this. However, I find that it can be an important topic to understand more of the structure of the crossdressers’ life between the two nations—why do crossdressers in Thailand and other countries start their physical transformation at a different time of their lives?

Male and female genders, in reality, are never equal, even in modern democratic countries. In some counties such as America particularly in the Midwest, Muslim countries, African countries, Russia, etc., the nature of their citizens have strong masculine sense over feminine which infiltrates into every part of their cultures, influences the country’s religion’s choices, lay out a pattern of politics. These masculine/feminine senses of the majority of the citizens in each country tell which degree, the toughness of the cultures, religions, and politics play a role for kids in choosing one gender over another, regardless to whether or not it is their correct gender.

In contrast, Thai society, culture, religious regulations and politic involved in cross gender lifestyle plays a softer role in gender’s choices.

Another interesting point to look at is that in my observation, American transmen (female-to-male transgender) are easier to transform as a man and they are more passable than Thai transmen. Moreover, for American transmen to act as a man is easier than Thai transmen to act more masculine. That means average masculine/feminine level of each race help the transformation. In contrast, American men have a lot more works to do and difficulty in transformation process to be a woman than Thai men. Moreover, American men are more difficult to change their masculine demeanor to be a female in contrast to Thai men who can act like a woman more natural. This should be an important question that do kids actually choose their genders based upon what easy for them?

I don’t see many transgenders are interested in men’s activities such as playing tough sports, working in a tough job, except working in sex service. This is because they don’t have male interest to tell them to love all these men’s activities. But crossdressers have male interest.

Look—an American crossdresser chooses to start his life as a man first. He also chooses to work in a tough job such as military, policeman, construction worker so his appearance is very masculine. His masculine character should be sexually attractive a woman who loves masculine man. Or another word, his masculine appearance deceives her. Although, there are many women who are sexually attractive to feminine men like crossdressers, they would find that the masculine appearance is unattractive. Next, at some time in his marriage the masculine man decides to changes his life to live as a woman; his wife would be devastated. This American crossdresser’s life, the transformation after marriage should be misstep.

Thai crossdresser’s life, in contrast, the transformation into a woman comes first is to attract a right partner—a woman who is sexually attractive to a feminine man or a crossdresser. Most of them don’t have a break-up problem in their marriage. To find a woman to marry in this case isn’t difficult at all. As in Thai society, crossdressers normally hang out in a group of women, just like they are women. At first they are just friends who walk home together, go shopping together , eat out together; nothing goes beyond that. Until a woman in the group who is sexually attractive to the crossdresser’s feminine appearance convinces the crossdresser to be her boyfriend. How hard a man try to flirt a woman, including taking her to a movie and shopping; a crossdresser doesn’t have to do anything; in this case the woman is the person who flirts a crossdresser. Many Thai crossdressers who I know get married with their female closed friends. This should be the right step of the crossdresser’s transformation. Better than that, they don’t have to hide their clothes in their closets. Kids are easy to accept their female father as long as they don’t have the feud over their fathers’ gender in the family. If kids see their mothers cry over their fathers’ transformation, they will sympathize at their mothers then they hate their fathers very much.

However, one thing that Thai crossdressers do just the same thing after the decision to have a girlfriend is they will have a second transformation into a man without going back to live as a woman again. This is because the ‘thousand hours of experience’ is completed. Moreover, they will disassociate their transgender’s friends, especially they don’t invite their transgender’s friends to come to their wedding party. This is because their community often tease them such as ‘a transgender changes mind’, and make fun by gossiping their past to be embarrassed. Gender and sexuality are difficult part for people to understand. This has nothing to do with the crossdressers, except society’s problem and gender education’s problem.

Most men have little crossdress side. I’m not wrong when I say that. Men who are not sexually turned on by women’s clothes are gay men. Men who are not interested in crossdress fantasy at all must have other kinky fantasies to replace. Men who have little crossdress side in this case do crossdress only some parts. For example, some men who like wearing women’s panties wear only panties; some men who like wearing bras wear only bras; some men who like wearing stockings and high heels don’t want to wear other women’s items. So they don’t have high level of crossdress to do the physical transformation to live as a fulltime woman. They even feel being bothered by wearing other women’s stuffs they don’t like. If they can collect women’s items, in their closet there will be only a certain type.

Imagine, you normally take subway train to work. One day you change a new job far away from home. You now need a car. You don’t mind to drive a second-hand car you can afford. What you think the most is the function of the car rather than its fancy look. In contrast, a wealthy man who has a passion about cars owns 3 to 4 collectible fancy cars. He doesn’t need to drive them everyday, only parked in the garage to watch impresses them. This is to collecting items.

Women’s closet has variety of clothes; some are sexy, some are not because in some occasions they don’t need to be glamorous. This is women’s closet in general.

How to detect a crossdresser and a crossdresser’s woman?

There is no any way to detect men who love doing crossdress 100 percents correct. However, here is little suggestion; at least once in your life it might be useful for you.

First is to look at hair. Normally men have short hairs. So short hairs can’t tell anything; they may or may not be a crossdresser.

If a man has long hair, it can fit into a rock musician category or an artist. So, long hair still can’t tell anything; he may or may not be a crossdresser.

If a man has a record of having ‘half long and half short’ hairstyle, it’s more likely to tell he might be a crossdresser.

Next, if a wife/girlfriend asks her husband/boyfriend to carry her handbag for her, a straight man, who is not a real crossdresser, will not carry the handbag in the same way as women do. He just grabs it roughly by hand. Moreover, he would show a sign of being little embarrassed, thinking in his mind ‘what other people would think—is he gay’?

A real crossdresser often volunteer to carry handbag for his wife/girlfriend without asking from her, in the way she would think he is a gentleman. And he will carry a woman’s handbag the same way women do.

When a woman asks her husband/boyfriend to go shopping clothes with her, straight men don’t want to participate during her clothes' selection; they will wait in distance until their wives/girlfriends finish shopping. Men who love shopping women’s clothes are likely to be crossdressers. A husband like shopping clothes for his wife, during the shopping he is convinced that he is a woman in her age. A dad who loves shopping clothes for his teen daughter will think that he is a teen girl.

What about women, how can a crossdresser know which woman is sexually attractive to him? Normally, women will address a person ‘he’ or ‘she’ based on the person’s appearance. However, women who want to have sex with a crossdresser will address the crossdresser based on their sexuality—so ‘he’ will be used, even though a crossdresser has a completed head-to-toe transformation as a woman. This is because she really hopes that this crossdresser can be her husband. As a man in women’s dress turns her on, she likes to convince the crossdresser to be a man; dress is just a dress she doesn’t mind but the crossdresser has to remember all the time that he is a man.


What men like to do, while having sex, when it’s time they want to ejaculate, is to close their eyes. Whenever they close their eyes means that their sex partner can’t help them reach the climax. They need to imagine to someone else (like threesome, only the third party is in the imagination). The person in the imagination can be their ex-girlfriends, high school sweetheart, or even a woman he has never met in his life, etc. Often hear crossdressers say that they have a girl traps inside. It is only the crossdressers’ imagination to help them reach the climax; the girl who never has a chance to be released can look like themselves in drag. This girl is never gone; she is used every time they are horny. As to say that ‘a girl traps inside’, it makes them feel of magic or specialty for an ease of understanding the need of doing crossdress. There is no any girl trapped inside men. I never hear any transgender say that, except crossdressers. If there really are, there should be variety of women’s ages such as ‘a grandmother traps inside’. The word ‘girl’ gives men ultimate sexual desire than other women's ages.

A woman asks me—“Why do you want to be a woman?” She says that she really wants to be a man if she could. She says some times she has menstrual, she feels very painful until she can’t get up from her bed, including has to wear women pads. It gives me a pause. I don’t want to have that painful experience. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to raise a child because I don’t like playing with kids. Moreover, in conservative culture, society doesn’t accept women have multiple sex partners. I like having sex with many men but no one seems to care about.

I am neither a man nor a woman, neither a crossdresser nor gay, but I am a transgender and I am proud of being a transgender. Woman is the image I want myself to look like but not every part of woman’s life fits to my lifestyle.

Transgender is a gender. It is like other genders that you can give the answer right away that transgender has sex with men.

Crossdress is not a gender. Actually, crossdresser makes transgender become a confused gender. Men who love crossdress fantasy can be broken down into:

A crossdresser who has sex with women is a heterosexual man.

A crossdresser who has sex with both men and women is a bi-sexual man.

A crossdresser who has sex with another crossdresser is gay.




Cartoon story—Lady First



John and Jim are taking a bus together to Harvard Square for a food festival. While they are on the way, they talk together about gender’s inequality in American society.

John: It’s bad to be a man.

Jim: Why do you say that?

John: Last night I went to a club. It’s a Lady’s night. I had to buy a ticket but all the ladies didn’t have to pay a dime. Not only that, I still had to buy drinks for a girl otherwise she would not want even to look at me. And do you know—this girl drank like a fish! If she was like a mermaid I would not complain anything.

Jim: Was she like?

John: A killer whale! That’s the best I could find in the club.

Jim: I have never seen any club open for Gentelmen’s night and ladies pay for men. Even though Chippendales get pay from women, they make just enough to pay for gas to come to work.

John: Last two weeks I also joined a charity walk for breasts cancer. But I haven’t seen any organization set up a charity walk for prostrate cancer, testicles cancer and man-boobs cancer, while many men also die from cancer.

Jim: People are not sympathized at men as much as women.

John: Many movies and music also support women more than men.

Jim: It’s because women are a big group to spend money on this kind of entertainment.

John: What did you just say—women are a big group to spend money?

Jim: Right.

John: When you take your girlfriend for a movie, who pays for the ticket and popcorn?

Jim: I did!

John: When your daughter downloads a music, who pays for her music?

Jim: Dad! Why are you so mad about this issue?

John: Shouldn’t I? I have been married for five times. Every time I file for a divorce, I almost become a homeless but all my wives become a millionaire. Men can’t do anything about this. You don’t think about becoming the first male activist to testify in the congress to change law about male gender’ inequality because you will never find enough supports. But now men figure out there is only one way to solve the problem; and if I have to get married again, I will never lose the benefits anymore.

Jim: How do you do to solve the gender gap’s problem?

John: Just to be a woman!





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