I used to ask many men—‘what’s the differences between gay and straight men?’ All they say just about the same is that gay men have sex with men; opposite to straight men having sex with women. Okay, now I know, here I don’t need to talk about who have sex with whom. But what else are the differences between gay and straight men?

I can imagine what straight men will say if I tell them that I am suspicious about his friend might be gay, they will strongly protest such that ‘No! No! No! My friend is not gay. He dates many women in the past…’ and try to convince me anyway they could.

Well, you may dispute that this can be explained, that is because they are worried that I might think that they might be included. However, in the reality is that even though that person is not someone they know, straight men still convince themselves not to believe that the number of gay men will be increased. General speaking, they don’t want any man else to be gay. Even some men admit that they experienced homo sex (as being curious or accidentally happen when getting drunk) in the past, they still don’t want to accuse anyone whose do like them.

However, if I talk with a gay man that ‘do you think, that guy is gay?’, he would add that ‘I believe so. He looks like gay’. General speaking, gay men are ready to accept that every man is gay.

Here is the first difference between gay and straight men. Because gay community is still small, gay men always look for new members but straight men are always worried that they will lose their members and therefore their heterosexual male community will be shrunk. You may laugh that I might be kidding you. However, the real reason is that people always want other people to be (and live) like them. If you are a married father, you want your sons to grow up to be a man, get married to a woman and have kids like you (even though you may suffer in your marriage, you still want your sons to live like you). Moreover, it is the animal’s instinct to live as a group. Like animal, people are fear to be different and to live alone—and that the reason they always want their group to be large. To live in a certain lifestyle which is majority is to proof, that is right or it can be accepted that is a good thing to do.

The different definitions of beauty

‘Straight men love beautiful women’—no one would disagree with that. However, if there are two shows which are broadcasting on TV at the same time, first is beauty contest (there will be lots of beautiful women from all over the World), second is a Super Bowl game (all football players are only guys), as you are a straight man who loves beautiful women, which show do you want to watch? I ask many straight men and they say they don’t watch beauty contest (no matter whether sport game will be broadcasted at the same time or not). However, if changing the beauty contest to a strip show—girls are hanging upside-down on a slim dance pole, spreading their legs 180 degrees, stuffing small chicks inside vaginas, using vaginas to open beer cans,… straight men will switch back and forth between these two shows during commercial breaks.

Male and female have different definitions of beauty. Straight men generally don’t know what is beautiful? Beauty for straight men means anything which can make them feel hot, sexy, seductive, excited and aroused sexual excitement is considered beautiful. That is the reason straight men don’t watch such as fashion shows and beauty contests but they watch sports, erotic dance, tough fighting because these make them excited.

Beauty for gay men (and female) means Art. It isn’t necessary to arouse sexual excitement.

A gay man, who works as a male escort to serve gay male clients, has a big belly and overweight, would have no business because gay clients want to see their male escorts always have a beautiful body like Michael Angelo’s sculptures. However, a female escort, who has a big belly and 250 lbs., can stay in business.

For gay men, a sexy and good-looking man is one type which is in the form of art which creates impression for them. For straight men, a woman who can arouse straight men’s sexual feelings can be any form: provocative, seductive, unusual, over weight, etc. which can potentially arouse highly emotion and excitement —and that the term ‘kinky’ is often applied to straight men’s sexual fantasy.

Moreover, gay male escorts often turn on classical music for their gay clients during sexual fantasy performance and gay clients really enjoy classical music. However, straight male clients really don’t like listening classical music during sexual fantasy performance (even though, some clients work as musicians.) They often tell their escorts to turn off the classical music but turn on porn movies and turn up volume high as they want to hear moaning sound loudly. Classical music doesn’t create excitement, instead it gives the impression for gay men while the moaning sound doesn’t create artful impression but it arouses sexual excitement for straight men.

The different feelings inside them

In their senses, straight men think that gay men are more feminine than them, even though many gay men are now physically more masculine than many straight men. When straight men think that gay men are more feminine, they should mean the feelings inside them, more than comparing to the appearances. However, the appearance can be easily viewed but how do you measure the feeling inside you; how masculine is considered straight and how feminine is considered gay? The best person who can tell you that you are more masculine or feminine is your sex partner.

Gay men love to see masculine looks from their sex partners; muscles and lean body give a sense of being tough and masculine. In contrast to straight men, fat and soft body gives a weak sense and feminine look. I used to read an interview of a street hooker, she says about her job that she always lose competitions to fat girls and that she knows she had to eat more to gain more pounds in order to get more business. This is true—many straight men like having sex with women who are a little bit heavier than average. A man used to tell me that female’s body has to contain fat, not muscle. However, even though this is true, it should not be the main reason that generally straight men choose a woman to have sex with based on only her weight.

Imagine, a gay man acts and dresses funny and silly, it can be a big turn off for other gay men who want to have sex with him, even though he is good-looking. Look at gay male escorts’s ads, they will not say anything funny and silly on their profiles. It is a sense of female’s nature which needs a leader / bodyguard from opposite sex or someone who makes them feel more security so funny act / demeanor destroys that feeling. However, if a female escort talks funny and silly or writes funny profiles, she can get a job (or maybe even busy). This is because straight men like a woman who can arouse their emotions / excitement; if she can make him laugh, he likes her. Also it can be a sense of masculine which needs a follower—someone who lives under / be weaker / have lower status so that she will give straight men a sense of being more masculine.

Having different types of sex partners (between gay and straight men) is to help them understand the feelings inside them better. Each person feels comfortable at a certain level of masculine / feminine differently. Imagine, there is a group of men who have different heights. They are told to form a line based upon their heights from the tallest to shortest. You know your position by comparing to others—masculine and famine feeling inside you is alike; there is a certain level which makes a person feels comfortable / happy differently. For example, you are a gay man, although your appearance is very masculine, your feeling inside you is very feminine, you will be very happy when you have a man treats you to feel like you are a female—the treatment from the man tell you the position you are. However, you don’t like if you have to act more masculine to treat someone who are more feminine than you because that feeling is not your position. Like gay men, you are a straight man and you want to feel masculine. You can imagine yourself carry a woman to the bed—although, you are physically uncomfortable (because she may be a bit heavier than expected), the allowance from the woman for you to act masculine to her makes you happy and comfortable because your masculine feeling is set at the right position. In contrast, a bodybuilder guy carry you to the bed (now you are in the position as a female), even though you are physically comfortable because you don’t need to walk to the bed but the masculine feeling inside you is dimmed and shifted to the wrong position; it causes you to be uncomfortable / unhappy / and feel weird.

When a beautiful girl goes out to nightclubs, any straight man who wants to have sex with her will pull her arm to the bar and asks to buy drinks for her—however, this will not happen at gay nightclubs because providing an incentives to get sexual attention is masculine behavior. Moreover, in the conscious mind, normally people feel that male is more powerful than female so female needs to be treated by male. Every gay man, however, feels that they are at the same level of masculine and feminine so they don’t feel they need to treat each other in the way that one should be male and the other should be female, in the same way as straight men treat women.

Another case, when straight men hire escorts, they don’t mind when they are asked to pay before the service starts because giving valuable things to their female escorts make them happy and make men feel more masculine—like in the old generation that men bring income to family, to take care their women and make women proud of. However, gay male escorts often have a problem when they ask their gay clients to pay before the service starts. Many gay clients cry out—‘it’s not real! It’s not real!’ and run out of the apartment quickly because hiring a man to perform romantic is not the thing ‘princess’ should do.

Different fashion styles

While driving a car in the city where I live, I like watching guys walking and jogging on streets and think about who might be gay or straight based on what they wear. Then I come up with the idea that gay men generally highly select a shirt and pants to wear which are really matched. Many times I see straight men who are jogging on streets pick their exercise clothes to wear such as blue short pants with an orange shirt. When straight men pick their clothes from their closets, they often make an easy pick (unless, it is for a special occasion). And in their minds, Straight men generally like seeing provocative things / colors so when things are too matched, sometimes they can be boring. As you can tell from female prostitutes’ clothes, straight men are female prostitutes’ fashion designers!

For gay men, like female, beauty comes first; but for straight men, comfort comes first. Females don’t mind to tiptoe on high heels everyday if that can make them look more beautiful and sexier. Gay men, who has a very nice body, loves showing off their bodies by wearing a very tight t-shirt. I used to ask a straight man who has a very nice body that ‘do you have a tight t-shirt, why don’t you wear it?’ He says he doesn’t have one. Straight men like wearing loose clothes because comfort must come first.

Straight and gay men have different attitude when being flattered

Often see in gay nightclubs, young and handsome gay men are arrogant (the more other gay men flatter them that they are good-looking, the more they are arrogant). They go out just to show off their good looks, wrap their arms around their chests, lift their chin up high and keep counting in their minds how many people pay attention to them, or flatter them such as ‘you are very handsome’ or ‘you have a nice body’, etc. Don’t blame me when I say this. If you ask gay men, they would know about this as I often hear other gay men talk about this too. Flattering makes gay men (or female) arrogant. Female gender doesn’t need to have sex every time. As I mention earlier that gay men need impression, they can go home and dream about how many people pay attention to them—that is enough to fulfill fantasy. The impression, however, isn’t enough to fulfill straight men’s fantasy as they look for something excitement. [Who is a wonderful girl for straight men—if both girls are the same quality; first girl says to a straight man that he is handsome then she walks away disappearing in the darkness and never returns to him; second girl never flatters him that he is handsome but she just spreads her legs in front of him and asks him that she is so ready for him to fuck her, (pleassssse)?]

Straight men don’t know (or care about) whether they are handsome or not. If a girl flatters a man that he is handsome, he will think that she wants to have sex with him. Straight men, who have a successful sex life, are not arrogant (like handsome gay men) but they are likely to be friendly gentlemen because girls teach them to be that way is that men need to please girls to get their attention. Feminine gay men, like female, want to be pleased by masculine men. And the nature of female, if they are very beautiful and have many choices of men to choose, they will pretend to be difficult to show that they are high value.

Different purposes of exercise

If I ask that generally who love going to gym between gay and straight men? I believe that many people will think straight men love exercise more than gay men because (for many people’s commonsense) gay men would look feminine but straight men should be more masculine. However, this isn’t true. Straight men, generally, are lazy going to gym. If not for jobs such as a personal trainer, model or for hooking up (as being tried to be single), they love drinking beers until having a big beer belly. After marriage, as they don’t need to hook up with a girl anymore, you can’t tell that is actually the husband pregnant or wife? Some straight men tell me that they go to gym regularly but still never have six-packs.’ The reason to work out for straight men is to have strength.

Gay men however, work out to have a beautiful body. Many still maintain their fit bodies to older age, even though they don’t need for hooking up anymore. Moreover, unlike straight men, they don’t just make a routine work out but also measuring and comparing each part of their bodies: arms, chest, waist, legs, are good proportion. If there are a group of people brawling, straight men are likely to go to join the fight club or watch, but gay men may ask to go home as they are worried about their nose, chin, etc. will be broken. Straight men are more likely to exercise in the way of combating or playing sports—that is the reason for exercise; it is to have a strong body so that they can use their body’s strength in doing something. Gay men, however, don’t exercise for the same reason as straight men, but it is for beauty, for example summer they will be shirtless at the beach or at the dance floor in nightclubs to show off other people.

Different uses of wealth

If I ask you to close your eyes and imagine that you are a very wealthy straight man, what the picture you see yourself in? Okay, what about my picture, is that the same or similar as yours—I see you walk out from an expensive car, dress very nice and you have four or five big guys dressed with black suits, dark sunglasses and everyone carries a gun, to be your bodyguards. On your vacation, I see you on a yacht with tens of beautiful girls surrounding and caring you.

Straight men use wealth to build a power—to have a power is the nature of masculine.

For gay men, I see a different picture. I see a luxurious party in a big garden with a swimming pool and hundreds of guests are invited to the party to flatter him and admire his luxurious life, like he is a crown prince. Even though, a wealthy gay man can afford to hire hundreds of Chippendales to service him on a yacht , or hiring bodyguards which make him look like a mafia, it is unlikely he would spend on his wealth the same way as straight men do. Gay men use wealth to help them live in high society, be elegant, and very picky about things—that is the nature of female.

Sexual fantasy

If you are in a group of gay men and you depict them to see your kinky sexual fantasy is so wonderful, gay men will know immediately whether they would like it or not, even though they never try it. If they don’t like it, they never keep it in mind or look for an opportunity to try it. Gay men don’t need an inspiration about sexual fantasy from others; they have a strong mind about what they like.

Straight men don’t know what they like exactly until they try. Or even they try it and they don’t like it today, however in the future they may change their minds to try it again and may like it in the end. For example, many straight men have first sexual experience with a transgender while they don’t know they would like it or not. Some who don’t like it from the first time may try it again after years past and may change mind to like it a lot.

Unlike gay men, straight men really need inspiration from others about sexual fantasies. Basic sexual fantasy nature gives to them isn’t enough to fulfill straight men’s fantasy and they will keep searching for what exactly they really-really like. If you discuss about an unusual sexual fantasy in a group of straight men, you should know that you just inspire an idea for them. For example, if you say— “last night I pick up a transvestite, he performs really-really good and make me very-very happy. You will never believe how good he is and his cock is really big and l like swallowing his cum; it tastes so good. Hurry up and go to meet him as he is going to move away…” Gay men will say—‘no thanks’ as they know exactly the transvestite is not his type of guy and they will never think about him again. However, some straight men may say publicly against because they are embarrassed such as ‘it is disgusting, how you do it’. However, believe me, they will find a chance to try it discreetly or if they never have a chance to do, once in a while they will think about it. This happens many times with many transgenders when men don’t know while hooking up for sex that she is a transgender and get angry at her when she is naked. However, when time past, after think about her again over and over, they want to come back to see her again or hire a transgender escort discreetly. Straight men are very open-minded to try just about everything about sexual fantasy, even though with some sexual fantasy they may have to force themselves to do it. Gay men will not force themselves to do any sexual fantasy they don’t like.

In this case, gay or straight men are the most likely to be described as sexual orientation?

Homo(and)phobia

It’s new to my knowledge that many straight men who love having sex with transgenders are homophobia and they don’t include transgenders in the group of homosexual.

However, homophobia in this case doesn’t mean antigay or hurting gay people. They don’t mind to have gay men live in their community. BUT they are afraid to be closed to gay men; they are worried that gay men will make goo-goo eyes to them, talk romantic to them, touch them sexually or sexual assault them. Although, many of them know that their appearances are not sexually attractive to any gay man, they are still worried very much that these will happen.

Normally, things involved with sex can arouse highly sexual emotion. Like art works, nudity can abruptly arouse sexual emotion. For straight men, being touched sexually by a man or a woman can arouse their sexual emotion at the same level high. However, when it happens by a man, the feeling is in negative and it immediately causes them to be irritated.

Like sexual act, imagine, a masculine gay man with lots of facial hair acts like female; he may cause some straight men to be irritated to look at him. This is because some men are not ready yet to see things go opposite way, against the information of what they have perceived. Each person has different levels to accept a certain thing when it goes outside a box. Moreover, time is too short for some to be able to completely convert the information installed inside their brains to accept a new norm. Think like what would happen if the Government announces that the next day the traffic lights will change is that red light means go and green means stop. This is why gay people have to spend time for years to fight to be accepted. It takes a lot of time until people can accept to see things happened in different ways. Most straight men accept sexual acts from passable transgenders as their feminine appearances still give them a sense of normal.

Jealousy

Jealousy can be used to tell your gender. Imagine, a group of people of all genders walk to a room. The door is closed so no one knows what is going on inside. There is a handwritten sign hanging at the door so everyone reads it.

“Inside this room, a beautiful and sexy transgender is spending a very good time with tens of handsome men. Please, do not disturb her.”

Another sign from the building is posted under her sign—“sexual activity is not allowed in this building.”

You think who will be jealous at the transgender and what would happen to her fate?

Straight men are not jealous her because handsome men inside the room is not their targets of sex partners. Bisexual men, gay men, transgender women and closet gay men are in the same group and now they are thinking of doing something against her.

When the jealousy is at the low level, it doesn’t produce enough energy to drive them to report the building manager to break down her sex party. They may choose to walk away and try to think that it isn’t their business. However, when the jealousy rises up to the high level, now they think that they must do something and act something to against that transgender!

For a preferred sex partner, gay men and transgender women are put in the same category. Gay men and transgender women are two genders (male and female) blend together. However, the result of the blending gives transgender a female look, but it still gives gay men a masculine look. In gay nightclubs, transgenders know that many gay men don’t like them as they often tease, gossip and laugh at transgender. This is because they compete to the same sex partners who are handsome men. However, straight men are not sexually attractive to masculine appearances and therefore gay men are jealous at transgenders. Today instead, gay men try hooking up with straight men for sex and for just to be broken heart, they build up their bodies to look more masculine, dress / act more like straight man (to conceal their feminine side) and hook up each other—then the term ‘straight acting’ is often seen in gay men’s hooking up.

Next, who else is jealous at the transgender?

Imagine, a sexy and passable transgender walks in a straight nightclub. There is a group of handsome men are drinking, talking and having a fun time together and assumingly everyone already has a girlfriend but their girlfriends are not there with them. Now, all the men change their attention to the transgender; they try to hook her up. If I tell you that there might be a few men (or at least one) are jealous at the transgender, do you believe me? You may think that it is a straight nightclub, all they are straight men, have a girlfriend so they should not be jealous at the transgender but they should join other men to hook up with her.

However, people always forget that in a group of straight men, there are also bisexual men. However, the difference is that normally most bisexual men don’t like the two genders blend. They sexually prefer a man and woman separate (not two in one version). Straight men normally don’t mind about the two in one version as long as the result of the blend still gives that person a feminine look.

This happens many times to many transgenders when they get a lot of attention from men at straight nightclubs, there will be a (bisexual) man who pretends to be a nice guy, telling every man in the nightclub to be embarrassed that the girl they are trying to hook up with is actually a guy—he often uses the word to humiliate her as he is jealous at her. Normally, homosexual can spot other homosexuals so bisexual man who has a little bit of gay side can also spot transgender before straight men would know about. When his jealousy rises up to the peak point, the bisexual guy thinks that now he must do something and act something to against that transgender!

Although, bisexual men may be able to find women to have sex with all the time, women are never enough to fulfill the entire sex life. Moreover, they don’t like hanging out at gay nightclubs because they are not sexually attractive to the two genders blend. Worst yet, they can’t ask their straight male friends for sex because they are afraid to be kicked into the ass. Bisexual men will keep this missing part of their sex life (having sex with men) inside their hearts day after day, until one day it is exploded. They always feel enough with women but never feel enough with men. In the end of their sex life, bisexual men will have only one gender left is that only men will be inside their hearts and bisexual men will finally become a complete gay man.

Another type of bisexual men which is more generous to other genders is that they like every gender: male, female, transgender, gay, bi, etc. if that person is good-looking.

If you are bisexual men, you know that you like men and women. However, because bisexual men have little part of straight male side, like straight men, when they are inspired by other straight male friends about fantasy sex with transgender, they don’t know whether they would like having sex with a transgender or not so the term—‘bi-curious’ is sometimes seen on casual encounter 'men looking for transgender' .

Closet gay men are like bisexual men. The difference is that bisexual men have one leg in the closet (having sex with men) but closet gay men are completely inside the closet. (From straight men to closet gay men, you can see how each gender is intersected.)

There are three main reasons which lock closet gay men inside the closet. These three reasons come from three powerful people who control the entire life of every human.

First person is your parent(s). Normally, what I see is that if father is strongly anti-homosexual, mother may not care much about but she doesn’t have much power in the family to fully support her kids. Or if mother is strongly anti-homosexual, father may not care much about but he also doesn’t have much power to support his kids. From my experience, I don’t see both mother and father are strongly anti-homosexual but there might be. Kids normally like doing anything to favor their parents and follow their ideas, because they want love from their parents. When parents have a very strong idea in a certain subject like anti-homosexual, they will put that idea repeatedly everyday since their kids are young (or sometimes they may not realize that they have put that idea too much to their kids). When the anti-homosexual idea is started at the young age, the fear feeling to open up to the parents is instilled; even though now you grow up, the fear feeling to against your parents’ anti-homosexual idea has never gone away.

Second person is God. You are fear of going to hell. Since the old generation, religions regulate everything in your life (when you are born, your parents bring you to the church; when you get married, you go to the church; when you die, people also bring you to the church). Religion is everything in your life. Like your parents, the religions’ ideas are put to people since the old day and they have never gone away.

The third person is ‘yourself’. Most closet gay men believe that ‘every homosexual man has sexual disease, no matter how much they have sex in their lives or having a high risk of having sexual disease which make them believe that it is disgusting to be homosexual. This is like a punishment in choosing a wrong lifestyle to live’—which this idea is the wrong idea.

***These ideas are put from the old day and they have never gone away -- and that is the reason why some men choose to put themselves in the closet.

About a week ago, I watched again the movie, Schindler’s List on TV. I watched it once and this is the second time. When German soldiers come to arrest all the Jewish, what all the Jewish do? Based on the movie, they hind themselves in the closet because they are fearful so they have to hind themselves in the closet. To hind yourself in the closet is the commonsense when you are very fearful of something. That is not the way human should live with dignity.

However, some closet gay men choose to live in the closet, not by the reason that they are fear to come out or they are under control by the three powerful people. As normally people don’t always get everything they want in their lives, to live in the closet is to scarify their sex life to gain more on other parts of life; this should be a reasonable reason and can be accepted. These closet gay men are not jealous at homosexuals because they admit the situation they choose as it is the best for their lives.

However, many closet gay men are jealous at homosexual people because they don’t admit the situation but they are forced undeniably to live in the closet. They feel that this isn’t fair to them. In the old days, gay people don’t have the same rights / benefits as other people in society, or when they are bullied, it will make closet gay men very happy to think that the decision to live in the closet is the right decision and it helps them to forget the missing part of their sex life for a while. However, gay lifestyle begins to be more accepted everyday, now society is telling them that the decision to be in the closet, which they believe all the time that is the right decision, is now going to be the wrong decision so the person who should lose the benefit should be the one inside the closet. As the jealousy rises up very high, they must do something and act something to against gay people who are outside the closet! Presenting strongly anti-homosexual is not the act of an activist but it is the act of jealousy.

A father, who often talks strongly anti-homosexual, sleeps one day on the sofa in his home; mother is taking care of her young son and they are in the same room; then suddenly a meteorite falls down to the house is that the father sleeptalks to shock everyone —“I like your cock.” There are many ways to come out from the closet, but someone chooses a very bad way. If you think you can control yourself 24/7 inside the closet, you may want to think twice.

When you are not ready yet to come out, you should not act / talk strongly against homosexual people. If you don’t want to discuss about it, the best way is to keep quiet. Think like some day you may accidentally come out. How people, who are following you, will be disappointed when they know the truth that their leader is lying to them all the time. If you teach your kid to learn to understand other people, accidentally coming out may not be too bad; your kid may say to you that—‘dad, I understand you,’ your friends may say that—‘we understand you,’ because you teach them to understand others.